Looking Forward, Looking Back

Welcome to the first edition of the Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival, hosted by Authentic Parenting and Mudpiemama!
In the month of January, we start afresh, a new year, new ideas. Hence, our participants have looked into the topic of “Birth and New Beginnings”. Take a look at the end of this post to find a list of links to the entries of the other participants.
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Looking back

How do you move forward after facing the loss of a child? This is a question I've wrestled with over the last few years. Whether it's loss through a miscarriage or infant loss it can paralyze your life.  It's an experience that makes you stronger than you ever thought you could be- or wanted to be.

January is a tough month for me. This month Bella would have turned 6.This is also the month my youngest turns 3. It's a month filled with mixed feelings, emotional ups and downs.
Our family still experiences grief though she has been gone for over 4 years. We miss our Bella a great deal. We are able to talk about her with joy in our hearts. We talk about our memories of her and we can laugh as we remember. This is a welcome change.
Deciding to have another child after a loss can be very difficult. We had decided not to have any more children after Bella due to our chances of 1 in 4 of any of our future children having Walker Warburg Syndrome. We felt strongly we didn't want to go through all of the pain again. Well you know what they say about the best laid plans...
Surprises happen. One year after Bella's death (almost to the very day), we found out we were expecting another child, our hearts filled with joy, dread and lots of lots of questions. We had feelings of grief and hope all swirling around inside. Big Z was elated at the idea of being a big sister again.  We had a very anxious pregnancy until our 20 week ultrasound when we were given the wonderful news of our baby boy being healthy and strong. This pregnancy and birth was a time of reflection, hopefulness and healing.
People have made thoughtless comments in regards to a new baby taking away our grief. It doesn't work that way, he doesn't replace Bella. We still mourn our Bella and grieve for her, a part of my heart will remain empty and broken until I'm with her again. However, having another baby has been the most lovely distraction from my grief you can ever imagine.

Looking forward

We move forward with our new life as a family without Bella.  Having another child after our loss has given me deeper appreciation of my children and our life together. We make room for sadness and for joy.




Visit Authentic Parenting and MudpieMama to find out how you can participate in the next Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Becoming Intentional with My Time Valerie at Momma in Progress shares the beginning of her year-long journey toward more intentional living. 
• Alirik’s Birth Story: Sweet Surprise Lauren at Hobo Mama tells the sweet surprise unassisted home water birth story of her second child.
• My Rebirth: An Honest Look Darcel at The Mahogany Way talks a little about some of the fear and insecurity she's felt over the years since starting her parenting journey and her blog.
• Trusting My Body: Ailia’s Birth Story After a very challenging birth with her son, Dionna at Code Name: Mama was nervous about having another natural birth. But practicing relaxation techniques and birth affirmations proved to be just what she needed to have her perfect, peaceful, unassisted homebirth.
• My Homeschool Philosophy Paige a Baby Dust Diaries shares her new year's resulution about homeschooling. 
• Yet Another Resolutions Post... Zen mummy's resolutions for a better 2012
• Renewing Green Passions in the New Year Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction talks about renewing a passion for green living in the new year
• Birthing and New Beginnings... And Better Mothering Sheila at A Living Family shares her first ever New Year's resolutions to be a more mindful, compassionate and respectful mother to her two-year old daughter after the recent birth of her son.
• An Open Letter to MTV Regarding 16 and Pregnant Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama delivers a pointed message to MTV about how they misrepresent birth and parenthood on 16 and Pregnant.
• Setting Intentions Megan at The Other Baby Blog shares another way to ring in the New Year.
• Spencer's Birth Story Momma Jorje shares her family's story of birthing her son with Down syndrome.
• Looking Forward, Looking Back Erica @ ChildOrganics shares how she is able to look back at the loss of their daughter and yet move forward with her family at the same time. 
• Unique unto Itself. Melissa of Vibrant Wanderings has chosen a word for her second child's birth: awareness.
• The Unassisted Birth of The LIttle Buddha. Laura at Authentic Parenting shares the birth story of her new baby
• Birthing and Resolutions: Keeping Good Things in Motion. MudpieMama shares her VBAC story and why she skipped making resolutions in the traditional way. 
• The Birth of a New Era by Mandy from Living Peacefully With Children